faulkner, hemingway, and grisham

new rule: if you're in an advanced composition course at a research university, and you have an assignment to select an author's work that exhibits a style of writing that you really admire, then under no circumstances is it ok to bring in any of the following:

1) skipping christmas, by john grisham*
2) anything else by john grisham
3) the da vinci code, by dan brown
4) sex and the city newspaper articles*
5) today's column of any local sports journalist
6) a walk to remember, by nicholas sparks*
7) the right man, a biography of the president**

* note that if you do decide to bring in such works, please actually read them before the class, rather than simply seeing the tv show/movie
** again, if the assignment is to bring in a style of writing that you appreciate, and you bring in a biography of the president, just because you like the president, and then you admit that you have only read the first chapter of the book, then yes, you are a simpleton.

i wish i was making this up, i really do. out of 20 people in the class, less than half decided to actually do the assignment, and the above list was the result. i thought the teacher was going to jump out the window, right then and there. and i hate english, and i hate literature, and i'm so ignorant about so many things in the wonderful world of the written word, and i shouldn't even be worked up over this, but even i know better ... i mean, wow ... you can't even read the book you bring in?! and yes, i'm a snob, and i know that, but john grisham? are you kidding me?! this is college, you dolt.

i'm proud to be at ole miss. hotty toddy.


[if anyone is unclear as to why the above works are unsatisfactory and inappropriate, feel free to email me at rbhall@olemiss.edu so that i may rant in more detail]