Wednesday, March 09, 2005

viva las tunica

friday night and i'm sitting at the $2/$5 hold 'em table in the poker room of the grand casino, with eight other individuals. my stack is up to about $135 dollars, fluctuating around a steady increase from my original $80 bucks.

"you need a drink, sweetie?"

i try not to look over, but couldn't help but answer the senior citizen cocktail waitress with the super low-cut top.

"sure thing ... another budweiser would be great," as i tossed her a white casino chip. one US dollar, depending on the strength of the yen. for a second, i actually forgot about playing cards, and just thought to myself, jesus, i hope that my tipping her is not in any way contributing to her justification of wearing such an inappropriate top.

"five to you, sir," the dealer interrupted. three of the eight had called the blind, and the action was to me. cupping my cards, i carefully pull up a corner--not too high, because someone, somewhere is trying to cheat me. its a casino, after all. a good glance (only a glance) at my cards shows me that i've got ace-jack offsuit. lets not get hasty, as i toss in a red chip. five US dollars, depending on the ...

"here you go, sweetheart." senior citizen cocktail waitress gives me a fresh beer and a gap-toothed smile. i thank her as one more person calls the blind, putting action on the small blind. this jackass had overplayed every hand all night, but profitted early off of an even dumber lady who thought her two pair was going to matter when all five cards on the board were diamonds. he won a $300+ dollar hand with a seven of diamonds, so he could afford to be stupid. "i'll raise," said jackass, as he placed five red chips inside his betting circle. 25 US dollars. the table groaned, for it wasn't the first time this jerk had ruined what everyone wanted to be an inexpensive flop.

4 out of 5 players called, including myself, making the pot $105 bucks. lot of action. the dealer flops three cards: ace, ten, ace. above the waist, i do my best to remain stoic, but i'm quite sure my feet immediately started tapping. it checks to me, and since the pot is already big enough, and i dont want this set to get busted by some guy who i let stay in for free, i raise it ten. modest, meetable, but intimidating none the less. of course, everyone saw through me, or had nothing, and they all tossed in their cards. everyone except, of course, jackass, who didn't flinch as he uttered the words i had avoided all night: "i'm all in."

my mind started racing ... i've got a set of aces! this asshole's got to have something, but how can i lay this down? his preflop raise screamed pocket pair, and i've been reading him all night. ok, quick, hands that can beat me: AK, AQ, A10, and pocket 10's. i really don't think he's got an ace. gotta be the 10's. no way, this asshole would've preflop raised a lot more if he had tens; that's how he's been playing. i've got to call, i've got to call. but $100?! no, i've got to call, he's got two pair, that's it, i've got to call ...

"i call."

we simultaneously flip over our cards, and he immediately starts cussing when he sees the ace. i immediately start smiling when i see the seven of diamonds and the seven of clubs. oh my god, what a call. the pot is now $305, and i'm at a massive 92.5% advantage to win the hand.

the turn card comes: 4 of clubs. i exhale the tiniest bit of air, but i'm now standing up, because jackass is standing up, and i just felt like it was the right thing to do. one more card to go, he's only got two outs ... i'm 95.5% percent to win this hand. oh my god, one more card ... please, no seven, please no seven ...

river card: seven of spades. jackass wins it with a full house, sevens over aces. i glance one more time at my pathetic little set of aces, and can't help but notice that my jack is committing suicide. 95.5%.

"nice hand," i managed towards jackass, as i started on my way out of the poker room. "tip the dealer."

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